old friends, Eurovision, the future, Waldmeister, the cosmic egg, and chickens
🐓🪺🌱MAY🌱🪺🐓
May is always a big month, and this year was no exception. The worst is that it always goes by so quickly but I’ve really to to savour every moment of spring in it’s fleeting beauty!! The month for me was also full of being around a lot of people I love, which has been a much needed thing for me I’m realising. It’s also now completely spring and almost summer so things are growing super fast and everything is in full flow. It’s so beautiful to be outside and watch it all, and to hear the birds screaming at each other so relentlessly 🥰
In the first week of May I flew to Bristol to attend the much anticipated Jules Fest, finally celebrating the life of my dear departed friend Julia, with all of her loved ones near and far. I was pretty nervous for the day of 7th May itself, as I have been for the past 2 years, since it carries so much weight. I stayed in Bristol with a friend I haven’t seen in almost 4 years, and from the moment we met at a pub we just had so much to catch up on. I missed you Bec! We shared a lot of memories together during uni and also with Julia, and even though a lot has changed for us both these past years it didn’t feel like so long when we were together. In fact, a lot of the wonderful people I had time to catch up with made me feel this way. Being at uni together is a formative time and I loved reminiscing with people that I knew and knew me back then, especially as I can feel so much change going on for me right now. Bec and I stayed in this hilarious air bnb which was basically a shed on someone’s driveway (and it smelled like a sauna) and I also caught this flu from Bec which meant that we were both quite poorly on the day of the event. I don’t normally like to take medication for a flu but that weird cough mixture saved me 🥴 and it didn’t stop me from being there and enjoying every moment.
There was a live jazz band playing in the venue and the day was sunny so we could sit outside. It was pretty overwhelming at first, to be in a room with so many people I knew but hadn’t spoken to in a while, but I think most people felt the same! People gave the most incredible speeches (including one I don’t think anyone will ever recover from but if you were there and you’re reading this you know the one I mean), an incredible samba band, dancing and more music. I was really happy to see the samba band came with these dancing ladies (Jules would’ve absolutely loved that there were these ladies shaking their butts) and the whole event was just incredible. After all this time, to finally have had the opportunity to have the party she deserved and to share her memory properly was the best feeling! A lot of people said it too, but the fact that everyone there was so lovely was a true testament to who Julia was, she surrounded herself with such good people. I’ve always been aware of how loved she is but on this day you could really see it. Thank you to Polly and Annie who organised the whole thing so well, you guys are the best 🧡
Soon after I was back from Bristol it was my birthday! I invited a couple friends to my favourite restaurant for a meal which was a great evening, (Caitlin made me the best cake in the world EVER…I don’t have pictures but it had edible flowers and green icing and looked like some kind of swamp fairy cake) and on the day itself I took myself to the spa like I did last year. I am obsessed with the spa. Nobody bothers you, you just do exactly whatever you want whenever you want to do it, it’s quiet and it smells good and it’s clean. Nobody has a wallet or a phone. I can’t think of a better way to spend my birthday honestly, I highly recommend it as a low pressure birthday activity. I read my book, cashed in a voucher I had for a massage, and ate lunch in a robe like a lady of leisure. I went home and slept, and woke up to Aeva telling me Caitlin was at the door to come and watch EUROVISION 🇪🇺🤩💫🎉🎉🥳🪩
I love Eurovision. I used to watch it with my family and turn on the feature on the Tv so I could see the lyrics and sing along to songs in Swedish or whatever. And speaking of Swedish… sure, Swedens entry was a good tune, but she already won in 2012 with ‘Euphoria’ and I felt there were other entries just as deserving of winning, such as, DUH, FINLAND and Norway! As expected, the UK and Germany came in last and second to last. In these kinds of situations I ask myself what the point is of having dual nationality when neither nationality can hold its own in Eurovision. 😑 Anyway I loved explaining the whole concept of the show to Caitlin who is American and had never seen the show, and seemed pretty baffled by the whole thing. It made me realise how bizarre it all is. I didn’t realise that Eurovision wasn’t a globally adored show (soz to out u like this Haley)
As my dad has finally realised, Eurovision is not necessarily entirely about the music itself, but rather about the idea of the music bringing everyone together and everyone owning being ridiculous on stage in front of thousands of people. (He took a while, but he got there in the end).
What with celebrations and birthdays, I’ve been feeling pretty existential. Which isn’t usual for me really, but it has felt unusually intense this past month. I’m realising there are things I want, but I can’t do those things if I don’t start going very much out of my way to try to get them. This sounds obvious, but I guess I just mean that in my early twenties I had no idea what this part of my life would look like, so it felt impossible to try to predict my needs, but now that I’m here and I do know my needs, it feels right to get those needs met. I don’t want the same things now that I did even a year ago. What’s tricky is that I’ve never been great at planning ahead and there’s reasons for that.
My brain doesn’t find it naturally easy to do, for starters. I just can’t plan unless I can really make myself focus and concentrate. But I’ve also found that there are times where I have to plan and think ahead a lot more than usual, and if I’m not careful about it, I end up losing my ability to be in the present very quickly. Being in the present comes much more naturally to me to the point where I have a pretty bad long term memory. Once I’m in the future world, it feels suddenly and intensely infinite and can make me lose my marbles a bit because I could potentially try to plan and think about every little last decision. Which is obviously a bit mad and not a sustainable way to exist. I’m getting more used to striking a balance between the two extremes.
On the subject of existing, I have been reading this book called ‘Bitch - what does it mean to be female’ by Lucy Cooke, which I haven’t finished yet but has already given me a lot to think about. It’s mainly about female animals and the way that cultural bias around human ideas about gender have affected the scientific study in this area. It’s been mind blowing to find out just how much we think about animals in a gendered context is incorrect. It turns out that the earliest ‘animals’ were producing eggs about 340 million years ago, as an evolution from animals that just split themselves in two. This is pretty cool when you consider that a lot of creation stories as well as scientific theories (see cosmic egg theory!) use the classic symbolism of eggs to imagine or understand how our world came to be.
The idea that so much energy and potential can come from something so small is such a universal idea because it is such a common and frequent condition of life.
Absolutely loads of proto-indo-European cultures use this motif. There is sometimes an eerie connection with indigenous folklore/mythical stories and what modern scientists are theorising about events that took place in the deeper parts of history. A couple years ago I did a drawing challenge (Folktale Week 2020 I believe) where I was researching mythologies around eggs and birds in particular, because as those of you who know me know: I love birds a lot.
On a recent trip to my parents new place in the countryside outside Köln, we went to the Freiluftmuseum, which is an open air museum entirely comprised of very old buildings from various neighbouring regions all in one space. I was really impressed mainly by the free roaming goat that was terrorising the people trying to sell tomato plants, but also found myself enchanted by the beautiful chickens running around. I’ve never paid them much attention to chickens but there was something about them that really caught my eye. I just felt the urge to want to pick one up with both hands and look it in the eyes. They have something a bit unhinged yet dignified about them that is inspiring, and reminds me of the various cosmic egg emblems in stories and science, that idea that something can be both extremely simplistic and complex at the same time. There’s some kind of chicken inspired work in progress in my mind for sure.
At my parents I finally found a plant I have been eagerly looking for since the beginning of April! WALDMEISTER AKA woodruff! It smelled amazing as it was drying, much nicer than the synthetic Waldmeister stuff I’ve tasted in drinks and stuff. I hope to make a syrup with it soon, because apparently I make syrups now. I made an ok lilac syrup at the beginning of the month when the lilacs in the Hof were in full bloom, and now that elderflowers are blooming too, I’m making my second batch already because it’s so refreshing and delicious.
And right at the end of the month I had the absolute joy of being reunited with some not so old old friends, the family that left for London end of last year were back in Berlin for the week! Spending time with them was wonderful 🤍 I was worried the little one had forgotten who I was but I was happy to be very wrong about that! I gave the older kid his late birthday gift too, a homemade Zelda inspired shirt, which I think he really liked. Like I said, I got to see so many loved ones this month and I’m feeling really lucky about that.
I’m still training for the marathon and can feel my fitness improving, and I’m trying not to overthink the final big test in a couple months time. I’m just running as much as I can and hoping I inherit this stubbornness gene that my family seems to share. My brother ran an 100k race from London to Brighton which is an incredible achievement and so inspiring! I’m also still plugging away at Antherda part two, some of which I will be sharing in next months newsletter.
https://open.spotify.com/track/0vdzx5gNcGMYeAwGvDzqsv?si=xkY-B4O7T0uSGq1roN_VyA
💫✨ That’s all for now, I hope everyone is doing great and I’ll be back at the end of June! ✨💫